Kim: The view from here, Northern Thailand
You would never know ‘real’ Thailand until spending time in the North, as Katrina put it, and I’m so grateful to have known it. This place is gorgeous, the mountainous ranges and rice fields make for a perfect backdrop to watch the sun setting. Many landscapes have taken me far from my jumbled reflections, free of any thought but true appreciation for the view. Some of the people we’ve met here have been equally inspiring.
Chabaphai was one; a woman left to manage a job, a house and her family after her husband was critically injured in an accident. Without the ability to move his arm, both legs and communicate clear speech, he is now unable to participate as he once did in his children’s life, his wife’s life, his life. Openaid has been working with Chabapahi for three years, supporting her with various loans one of which was to start up a fish farm. With limited time and experience to manage it alone she was unable to repay the loan. We met Chabaphai and her husband. For me the hardest thing about this situation was considering how the children must feel growing up seeing their father in such a state. The hardest thing was witnessing that his mind was still there. His mental and remnants of his physical strength were still evident but trapped in a body that did not allow him full control, but perhaps full awareness of how his daughters, how his wife must now see him. This family was trapped in a situation of poverty. And what I saw that day filled me with such hurt and despair, that after three years of work with Chabaphai’s family we were still today visiting such a seemingly hopeless situation. On the trip we’ve been discussing many different considerations of Openaid’s benefits and limitations as a small Non-Government Organisation. With a greater focus of resources and time towards expanding Openaid’s team and funding, I felt we would be able to achieve a much broader and deeper reach, to build on our own capacity before we are able to offer others more effective support. One approach being to slow down our current operations in Thailand to first focus on recruiting and training staff. To me this slow-down initially seemed to involve halting high-risk loans, drawing back financial support for projects whose success was conditional on too many factors including weather, timing, experience and whose beneficiaries seemed to have limited ability to manage them. I felt as though it was not strategic to invest our limited resources into projects and people when there was such little likelihood of success. Unless we felt as though we could have a real effect and achieve our collaborative goals I felt as though our resources could more effectively be spent elsewhere - be that on building our own capacity to be confident in what support we can provide. However, my perspective comes from a theoretical background grounded partly in economics and there has been a lot more for me to take in.
Visiting schools has been a definite highlight of this trip for me, not only experiencing the warmth and energy of the girls we’ve worked with, but forming a much deeper interest in education; its many different aspects, approaches and roles in a community. Visiting families has been a lot more shocking and difficult for me considering the intensity and complexity of family situations and cultural practices, witnessing the reality that these girls go home to. The myriad of emotions has been difficult to process and record.
We’ve visited schools to run workshops with girls in Baan Or, Ban Phon and Pak Tuoy and from each I’ve taken real inspiration, Baan Or especially; a vibrant school with vibrant people. The principal at the school was an incredible man with genuine belief in and care for his students. Openaid has helped the school to set up six fish farms, the revenue of which supports the school and the families of six girls, selected by the principal as the most disadvantaged. The school also had a large expanse of land designated for growing rice for one season (which catered for school meals throughout the year) leaving a space for a vegetable garden during all other seasons. Participating in these projects gave students practical agricultural skills which were relevant to them in their rural setting, taught them about healthy eating and a sense of sustainability. Openaid has also set up a canteen now run by a group of girls, providing them with experience to take responsibility for record-keeping, handling and reconciling stock and money, practicing calculations, serving and communicating with students throughout the school and working as a team. As well as this, not only the girls, but the boys at the school are able to see a selected group of girls assume the management position and break down deeply engrained beliefs about the roles of women and men. Profits from the canteen are distributed to the families of the girls involved.
These projects have given me a sense of how broad and relevant primary education in a developing context can be, to encompass not merely traditional schooling but to include a whole spectrum of life lessons concerning the development of values and essential skills. Furthermore using resources to connect with and support families, to have an understanding of the children’s lives outside of school.
And that’s what we gained when visiting the homes of two girls in the village. The first was a girl called Ploy. She had been in my group when we separated into discussion and there was something quite chilling realising that the brightness and innocence of this young girl returned to such a dark place. Her mother worked in Pattaya, her father had left the family, her grandmother recently passed away and her older sister was just taken to Pattaya. Older meaning she was 15 years old. A truck had picked her up claiming her mother wanted her to come to work in Pattaya. Whether this was the truth or a lie, either was quite hard for me to comprehend. That someone else may have disclosed the girls’ address for money. I had so much difficulty understanding from my view how someone who has worked in Pattaya could wish the same for their own daughter or friend, however I recognise how the decision to give out the information of a young girl may have been driven by desperation or cultural context. Now living with her grandfather and younger sister, I felt sick understanding the reality of Ploy’s safety. The dream she had just spoken of in our session vastly opposed what her future held if that truck was to return when she reached the age desired by this industry.
The second girl we were unable to meet, however her grandfather alone gave me more than I was able to handle. Plaw’s parents were no longer in the picture meaning she’s been left to live with her grandfather who has sexually abused her. At 13 years old she has been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. The principal at her school has attempted to support her and ensure she has access to medication, however as the head of the house Plaw’s grandfather was suspected to have effective control of her funds and there was always a sense of anxiety around how he is taking care of her. He informed us that he has begun to host gambling games within their home, meaning Plaw returns to a house of drunk men. I’ve discovered that sexual abuse is more common than we may suspect. Far too common. I would be surprised if you do not know someone who has suffered from sexual abuse and still deals with it emotionally today.
Why is this a reality?
I have experienced the effects it can have on people and it is not something that anyone deserves. I have seen what it can do, I cannot begin to imagine how people live with it ontop of the additional pressure and hardship I have witnessed in these communities.
Yesterday at another school I was really empowered by some of the girls I met, they gave me something real. One girl in particular had a profound influenced on me. I noticed her from the beginning, she was adorable. Rattana suddenly grabbed my attention, pointed to the girl and explained to me that she was Chabaphai’s daughter.
A wave of pain hit me that I cannot begin to describe. I felt as though I wanted to burst into tears. As the girl smiled at me I understood the reality of my initial opinion, to pull away support for her family because they were ‘high risk’. I felt like a monster to campaign so adamantly against giving her an opportunity.
For me this has left a significant lesson, question and conflict and really highlighted the struggles, realities and insights of a small NGO. I now know that in development there will be certain times where I have to consider more closely the real human effect behind my decisions of perceived rational basis. And certain times where I will need and struggle to remove my emotion from the process. It’s now that I have to peronsally work to discover some sort of balance, which does not compromise what I believe in. In the case of Chabapai’s family, meeting this girl was what I required to connect, in the same way as Ai, Justin, Rattana and others in the Openaid team, to the family behind the project, to consider perhaps not diverting our support elsewhere but directing our focus towards a deeper understanding of the most meaningful and effective approach to their situation. I am still determined to pursue development which can empower, can be sustained and can focus on the many different things people can lack in life, not necessarily economic wealth, but so many things including the lack of choice, rights and opportunity. Not only in the developing context but reflecting on the ‘developed’ world and what our lives may sometimes lack in terms of a sense of appreciation and resilience. The cultural context in any situation is fascinating, difficult and complex and something I am determined to learn and consider more as I continue. I now know that I need to constantly reframe my view to see the big and small pictures simultaneously, to understand individuals within a broader goal and draw from both as my sources of inspiration.
